According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), mental health is the foundation for wellbeing and healthy functioning. It is more than the absence of mental disorder. It is the ability to think, learn and understand your own emotions and the reactions of others.
Mental health is a state of balance, shaped by many factors such as physical, psychological, social, cultural and spiritual.
When mentally well, a person can feel emotionally stable, maintain good relationships and work towards their goals. When struggling with mental illness, a person may find it hard to cope with life stressors. Changes in their thoughts, feelings and behaviour can affect their social and work life.
Mental illness can affect anyone regardless of age, gender, race or social status. Most importantly, it is treatable with the right support.
Feeling sad, anxious, irritable or stressed are emotions that all children experience. However, when these feelings become intense and last for a long time, they can get in the way of school, friendships and daily routines.
Look out for these signs that your child may need extra support:
- Sudden weight loss or gain
- Loss of concentration in school
- Loss of interest in activities they used to enjoy
- Changes in appetite
- Increased irritability or agitation
- Difficulty falling or staying asleep
These signs become more significant when they continue for a period without clear reason. For example, if your child shows some signs around exam period, that may be a normal stress response. However, if the signs persist or worsen after exams are over, it may be worth speaking to a professional.
Many parents worry about saying the wrong thing. The good news is that how you show up in the conversation matters more than having the perfect words.
Before you begin, it helps to reflect on your own beliefs about mental health. Attitudes that stigmatise mental illness such as seeing it as a weakness or attention-seeking, can seem judgemental and dismissive.
Approaching the topic with an open mind is the first step.
Tips for starting the conversation:
- Ask open, curious questions such as, "What do you think of this situation? Help me understand what you feel."
- Acknowledge that it can feel scary to talk. Simply saying "I know this might be hard to bring up" can help your child feel safer.
- Listen more than you speak. Your calm, non-judgemental presence is more powerful than any advice you might offer.
- Pay attention to their emotional cues. If they become distressed or agitated, pause and tend to their emotions. You can always continue the conversation another time.
- Use language that suits their age. For younger children, creative approaches like art, storytelling or films can open doors.
- Normalise mental health struggles by comparing them to a physical injury. It can happen to anyone and requires support to get better.
Stigma, shame or fear of being misunderstood stops many people from talking about mental health.
Doreen Loh, a senior medical social worker at the department of developmental psychiatry at IMH, offers this advice:
- Validate their reluctance to share. Let them know you understand it is difficult, and that you will be there whenever they are ready. Something as simple as "You don't have to talk right now, and that's okay. I'm here whenever you are ready," can mean a great deal. It shows that you accept their feelings.
- Avoid forcing them to talk as this can push them away.
- Explore who else they trust. Ask gently: "Is there someone else you'd feel comfortable speaking to?" Knowing your child has a trusted adult to turn to is a meaningful step forward.
- Do not seek information from others behind your child's back. Let your child decide when and what to share with you.
- Keep spending time together. Quality time strengthens your relationships and shows your child you are always there.
- Monitor their mental state and ability to cope. Pay attention to their sleep, appetite, mood and engagement with hobbies and friends.
- If your child shows self-harming behaviour, their safety comes first. Stay informed about available support such as the 24-hour national mindline 1771.
Recovery from mental health conditions is not a straight line. There will be days that feel like a step backwards. Through all of it, your presence and your approach matter enormously. Here are some ways you can support your child during recovery:
- Show unconditional love and acceptance. Psychologist John Bowlby's attachment theory tells us that a child develops security and self-worth when their primary caregiver is available, responsive and accepting. A child navigating mental health challenges relies on you as the foundation of their recovery.
- Focus on what is going well. Mental health challenges can erode a child's self-esteem. Actively notice and name what your child does well. This helps them reconnect with their abilities and builds confidence to support recovery.
- Set realistic expectations. This is particularly important around school and academic performance. Easing pressure during a difficult period gives your child the space they need to heal.
- Be patient. Pushing a child to meet milestones they are not ready for, like returning to school when their mood is low, is not helpful. Recovery has its own pace. Your role is to walk alongside your child, not ahead of them.
- Partner with professionals and work closely with mental health experts. Your role at home is to reinforce coping strategies, support medication adherence, and provide routine and structure.
- Create a safe home environment. A calm, structured home gives your child the stability they need to focus on getting better. If there are conflicts within the family, counselling can help everyone.
For school-going children in mainstream primary, secondary schools, and junior colleges, parents may speak to the school counsellors who are supported by REACH (Response, Early intervention and Assessment in Community mental Health).
Young people aged 16-30 can approach CHAT (Community Health Assessment Team). CHAT works closely with young people, educators and counsellors from Institutes of Higher Learning (IHLs) and social service agencies to improve youth mental health literacy and access to services. They also conduct mental health assessments in the community and make referrals for professional psychological assessment at restructured hospitals, including IMH.
Helplines:
national mindline: 1771 (24 hours) / 6669 1771 (via Whatsapp)
Samaritans of Singapore: 1767 (24 hours) / 9151 1767 (CareText via Whatsapp)
Singapore Association for Mental Health: 1800 283 7019
CHAT, Centre of Excellence for Youth Mental Health: 6493 6500/1
Tinkle Friend (for children): 1800 2744 788
Touchline: 1800 377 2252
You are not alone in this. The road may be long, but the love and consistency you bring to your child's journey makes a difference that no one else can. As the most constant and loving presence in your child's life, you are one of the most powerful forces in their recovery.
